Drive your bike mechanic insane in 7 easy steps!
This article is intended to help you become a better caretaker of your bike. 😉
1) Use lots and lots of chain lube. Be sure to never wipe the old stuff off, just slather lubricant liberally like you’d drown a stack of IHOP in blueberry syrup. Repeat every two days (IHOP blueberry pancake syrup can be used as a substitute for pricey, chain specific lubricants).
2) Never fully tighten the lid on your water bottle filled to the brim with over saturated, super-sugary sports drink. If done properly, crystalline stalactites will encrust the underbelly of your downtube, This helps the worms to stick properly.
3) Rain ride at every possible opportunity. Never dry the bike afterward and be certain to store your bike in the moldiest corner of your basement. Cover with plastic tarps.
4) Always refuse offers of new handlebar tape. Repair any damage with silver duct tape. Always secure loose bar-end plugs with super glue.
5) Use plenty of the aforementioned silver duct tape to stabilize your overly stuffed, bowling ball bag sized saddle pack directly to your seat post.
6) Maintain an ultra-salty diet and sweat profusely directly into your head tube and seat tube. This is an advanced technique and requires a bit of practice.
7) Be sure to tip with plenty of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer. Because ALL bike mechanics love PBR.
This small rant is courtesy of Matt Thomas, head bike mechanic here at Wilderness Voyageurs. He really is a nice guy and this To prove that Matt is not totally agro, here is his enlightened portrait:
Wilderness Voyageurs operates the most rail trail bike tours in the US. Choose your destination, Missouri, Pennsylvania, Colorado, Maryland or Virginia. Custom bike tours can be arranged on other rail trails for your custom group.
Wilderness Voyageurs, 103 Garrett Street, Ohiopyle Pennsylvania, 15470 800-272-4141